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My husband left 3 years ago to live with another woman. He wants to come home. should i let him?
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My husband left 3 years ago to live with another woman. He wants to come home. should i let him?

my husband left me and his 2 young children 3 years ago .Unknown to me he was having an affair. He went to live with this woman. After 6 months he came home, but was still in contact with his 'lady friend' I asked him to go . Since then he has left the other woman and is now living in a flat on his own. I have asked him if he wants to start again on quite a few occasions, but each time he has said no, he didn't know what he wanted.I have always wanted him to come home, but over the past 6 months my feelings have changed and I have met someone else. Now all of a sudden my husband wants to come home, saying saying that he cant be a part- time Dad anymore!! Not that he actually spent any length of time with his children anyway, (he has never had them to stay overnight at all in the past 2 years.! I still have feelings for him and he says he has feelings for me ? But dont know if I can have him back. Does this sound awful? My mind is so confused. Anyone got any helpful advice?


You may always have feelings for him. Why wish anybody bad? But after what has happened NEVER take him back. It would turn out an even larger tragedy than the past. has been.

tracyann t
don,t be daft once he cheated he do it again 2 u don,t take him bk


Don't be a door mat go with your new person make a clean break i think you have waited too long.find happiness you deserve it...

No... you've given him plenty of opportunity and now that you are no longer "available" he is suddenly interested? If he wants to be more than a "part-time" dad tell him that he can start by having the kids over to his flat...overnight...
You will always have feelings for him cuz he is the father of your children... but that doesn't mean that you have to sacrifice your happiness for a man who can't seem to make up his mind... or worse, wants a wife AND be able to "fool around."
You and your children seem to have adjusted to his absence. Think of what it would put the kids through if he left again... and honey, he will. It is now an option in his mind... "Oh, I can leave, do what I want, and she'll take me back." Show him that you CAN and WILL live life without him!!

"Since then he has left the other woman and is now living in a flat on his own"<<<<<<<<<<<well poor him, it's his own fault

this is the reason why he wants to come back....say no and get on with your life...he abandoned you and your kids for another women...unforgivable....dont take him back...because once he's got his feet back under the table, he will start it again....say no, let him live his sad miserable life on his own...what goes round comes round Hun, he made his bed, now let him lie in it...

I think he is jealous of you seeing someone else and this is his way of stopping you. Don't fall for his lies, follow your feelings

Being a spouse and father isn't a part time job. It also isn't something you can dabble in. You either do the job, or you abdigate your responsibilities. There is no middle ground. He left. To decide to return home after 3 years is silly. The marriage, and parental relationship IS dead. Since you've found somebody new, simply ignore hubby's idea of getting back with you, and continue seeing the new guy. You and the children have gotten along without hubby all this time, so let him stay alone in his flat. His wishes and desires are immaterial.

I don't understand why you would consider it for even a minute.

It sounds like you have no self-confidence at all, if the only reason you changed your mind about having him back was the possibility of a relationship with someone else.
You really need to get some classes on self-esteem and you also need to learn to validate yourself by yourself. You seem to be depending on him to do that. That's giving him way too much credit by the sound of it.

Your leaving yourself wide open to hurt again,if you really want to try insist counselling or just concentrate on your new man.

hunny ok hold on grab a mirrior and ask yourself this question who do i love more my husband or this new partner , now the reason i asked that because your face will never lie to you it can tell what you want, hunny you have history with your husband but you have your future with this new man now in my opinon life move forward never backwards so you choose history or future

No, no, no. At least not now. Let him PROVE his love for you and those children. That takes time. Don't just open the door and let him back.

shakthi v
Accepting him, is a good thing but one condition ask him to be a true husband to u and a good father to the childrens

he should of thought of his family before he left.

Typical man I'm afraid.... only prompted into action if they feel someone else is going to take their toys away from them... he sounds like a selfish sh.it (sorry!).... I would focus on your new relationship.... your husband will soon get bored of you again, once he has you back.

One Love &lt;3
I would say no. It took you 3 years to get kinda get over this man, it would be like taking steps back. He sees him self alone and sees that you now are in a better place in your life, so of course he wants to be part of that. He doesn't sound like a "for better or for worst" kinda man.

dark rachel
don't fall into this trap. has he even given you child support.

NO. He will just do it again when the next girl comes along. Don't let him back in your life. Move on.

His past behavior speak volumes.

Let him go

I've never been in this situation but screw him! How dare he leave you with those children,
you are now a strong independent woman,
don't let him take that away from you.

marcus p
Let him have all the time he wants with his kids, but explain that the time for you and him together has passed. He will land on his feet when he can commit to a relationship.

I think it would be hard for you to go back, never go backwards, always go forward.............he only wonted you again, after you found someone else. As for the part-time dad, sounds like he has never really been any kind of dad, you have moved on, meet someone else, maybe your still do have feelings for your husband, but that is normal, you can't just switch on and off. Go forward, move on, be happy, good luck and god bless.

The Mole
Tough. He didn't want you before and now he is jealous you have moved on whilst his affair didn't work so now he is suddenly wanting again and feeling a loss of control because you met someone else instead of sobbing into a hanky and feeling the world had ended.

Once ruined what you have probably disappear again. Have him visit his children by all means, but don't let him ruin what you have with your new partner.

If you still have feelings for him you could lose what you have so be very sure if you give your new guy up. First impressions though is your ex is not very loyal and not 100% committed so I would keep your guard up. I think sure, wish your ex the best, but you need someone in your life that will love you and give you what you need and deserve. I think you have moved on and should stay that way and mentally decide that once and for all.

Even if you do still have 10% of feelings for him, the way he has treated you means if you do you will suffer the same as before. If you do take him back. In which case you may be better having a break from relationships for a while. But I don't think that is the case and you are better making your new guy work. Put some distance in if you need to so he can visit, but not every day.

Why should you make yourself lonely just because he is and why should you be with someone that will hurt you. If I were in your situation I would feel betrayed and not feel all that forgiving and would ditch them even if I had feelings. I would know someone better was out there. He has made a mistake and so tough.

jenna p
No way it was his choice to play a part time dad, he can still play a large role in their lives wirhout living with you. My mum and dad divroced when i was 8 and i never felt i missed out. He will only cause you more heartache, if he has done it once he will do it again, dont let him use you whilst his life is on a downer

If you have started a new life with someone else then my advise to you is No dont go back to your husband you have given him several opportunities to return home and he has turned them down. I think what may be his problem now is that you no longer depend on him because you have got on with your life. He should have thought about his children before he walked away from them. He is playing mind games. You have got over your hurdle go forward not backwards. Dont let him influence you into making the wrong decision.It appears to me that he is a very selfish man, did he consider your feelings when he left.When he says that he has feelings for you did he mention the word Love. Feelings is just a word, we all have feelings might not be good ones but nontheless we all have them. He is giving you a cold description.Feeling sorry for himself dont be taken in. You see to your kids and yourself, forget the husband. Good Luck in your new relationship. I

Sounds to me he's jealous that you have someone else, and if you hadn't he would still probably want to stay in his flat with that type of life that goes with it.

William Wallace
I have some advice, keep him where he is at right now and you go on with your life. You have asked him back before on numerous occasions, but he declined. I would have let one decline go for the sake of letting him figure out what he wants in life but he chose to take his time in finding out and to me that is a sign of being unsure. I would cut my losses and move on with someone who knows what they want. Good luck.

Baylin ♥
Don't take him back. I mean, he RAN AWAY with another woman!

don't go back there, get on with your life without him, he only wants you now because he can see your getting on in life now and he is not doing to well.

My husband and I have been separated for three years now are children have been living with me for over a year now I've been fighting like crazy to get them like they use to their on medicine now for adhd its been hard but I'm with someone new and they help me with everything. But I want a divorce from him so I can move on with my life and get married to my boyfriend but I don't know how to get a divorce that's cheap cause I don't make much money. If you have any other way around this please let me know.

My husband and I have been separated for three years now are children have been living with me for over a year now I've been fighting like crazy to get them like they use to their on medicine now for adhd its been hard but I'm with someone new and they help me with everything. But I want a divorce from him so I can move on with my life and get married to my boyfriend but I don't know how to get a divorce that's cheap cause I don't make much money. If you have any other way around this please let me know.

Hi I am in similar situation except that it is me who left my husband year ago. we have been together for 9 years and married in 2009. we had 2 year old son. We hed a massive argument few months after wedding and my husband was quite physical with me infront of our son. since then I didn't love him any more even it was one occasion. he didn't even say sorry to me. I left him 6 months after wedding. I started to live with another man. My huband asked for another chance even he knew I am with somebody else. I said no. I said I don't love him any more. but I do. We have shared custody, we are still not divorced. I don;t want divorce, I want my huband back as I love him very much. nobody can ever replace what we had together and we took it for granted. My husband doesn;t want me back now. I bought a house with my new partner but still - I love my husband and I don;t know what to do. I have never cheated on my husband - never ever!!!! I think 3 years is a long time to change your mind for your husband to come back so suddenly. I wanted to come back to my husband 6 months after I left but he didn;t want to.

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